


The Thought That Counts

by Sasam



Category: DCU, Teen Titans - All Media Types
Genre: Disassociation, Dysphoria, F/F, I wrote this in a single sitting and it is a mess, References to Depression, Tara is depressed and Raven just want to help, Trans Tara, this is incredibly domestic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:28:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24156649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sasam/pseuds/Sasam
Summary: After a day of struggling to function Tara discovers Raven's attempt to do something nice for her.
Relationships: Raven/Tara Markov
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	The Thought That Counts

Tara blinked wearily in the dark of her room, her eyes refusing to stay open. She felt like she hadn’t slept in days, her mouth dry and numb as if it were stuffed with cotton. Despite having just slept for the past twelve hours somehow she just couldn’t wake up. She’d made it as far as climbing shakily off her bed and had ended up sitting with her back to it on the floor.

She tried to remember why she needed to get up, it was her day off there wasn’t any plans the other Titan’s had that she could remember. It was so hard to remember though, her consciousness seeming to blank for varying period of time matching the droop of here eyelids. She couldn’t even remember how long she had been sitting there but it must have been a while because she could feel her stomach twisting in hunger. Or was that her chest twisting in pain? It all felt so distant and unreal, like she was feeling second hand what some other far off Tara was feeling.

Laying down across the soft carpet floor she didn’t really think about taking another nap or that she’d stay there, she didn’t really think at all, it was hard to think. The carpet was nice though, and soft yet solid. She could feel it there under her and it held her in place.

Distantly she heard a soft rapping sound that continued on and off and soft voice calling her name but she was already drifting off.

* * *

When Tara woke again it was to the faint glow of the stars and Jump City lights filtering in through her window. Her mouth still felt dry but she could feel the cracked lips and the way her cheeks felt hollowed and sucked clean of moisture. Her cheek gross and sticky from drool. Her head clearer, more focused. No longer drifting and scattered. The other thing she felt was a very strong urge to pee.

She sat for a few minutes trying to make the feeling go away, unwilling to get up. The uncomfortable pressure on her bladder and the clamminess of still laying on the floor eventually bested her however and she clambered up to her feet. Her legs already feeling steadier than when she last awoke.

She wandered into her en-suite before remembering that the plumbing on the residential floor of the tower had been ruined earlier in the week by one of Victor and Garfield’s pranks. She hesitated weighing the decisions, either she could just go anyways and be unable to flush or she could wander down to one of the lower floors. Deciding she didn’t want to be stuck with the smell of ammonia in her room until someone finally got around to fixing the pipes she opted for the latter. Rubbing her hand over her chin she could feel the disgusting prickly sensation almost burn across her face and grimaced. Quickly she checked the mirror to see how noticeable the stubble was. To her chagrin she had put off shaving so long small buds of blonde hair were beginning to noticeably creep into her reflection. Checking the time (an astoundingly atrocious 3:27AM) she decided she was probably safe to venture out without anyone seeing her. A lucky break considering she definitely did not have the energy to shave and reapply her makeup from what was now almost two days prior.

Opening her door she was surprised to find a tray of foot placed along the far wall, clearly intended to be seen by her upon leaving the room. Slowly she poked her head out and looked up and down the hall but saw no one in the darkness of the night. Creeping out to inspect the tray she was absolutely dumbfounded to find what appeared to be a bowl of home made Käsknöpfle and some kind of drink. Absolutely bewildered she lifted the small tray and brought it into her room, setting it down on her desk before hurrying back out into the hall and down the nearest staircase to the washroom on the floor below.

Once relieved she wandered out of the washroom to be surprised by Gar standing outside. Tara thanked the gods that he hadn’t bothered to turn on any lights, her face remaining hidden in the darkness.

“Oh hey Tara, glad to see you up and about. Did you get the dinner Raven left you?” he yawned scratching the back of his neck.

“Yea, that was from Raven?” Tara asked, trying her best to remain calm and be ‘friendly’. Something she’d been working on since returning to the Titans.

“Yea dog, she was worried since we hadn’t seen you all day so since it her turn to cook she tried making that Kask...” He yawned cutting himself off. “That dish that’s really popular in Markovia . She said she was gonna make sure you got some. Last I saw she was still in the kitchen waiting for you to stop by but that was like, at ten? Thanks by the way for picking a vegetarian dish for a fav e , I like enjoying what everyone else is enjoying.” Garfield continued on like a run away train the way he often did.  
“Yea no problem.” Tara said distractedly cutting in before he could transition to another topic and thew in an insult by force of habit . “Don’t let me keep you from the bathroom though dude. I don’t need to pissing yourself in the hall. You are litter box trained aren’t you?”  
  
“Yea thanks?” Gar scrunched his face up at her confused at how distracted and weak the insult had seemed. Something he wasn’t used too.

Tara didn’t even noticed his confusion heading back to the main living floor to check out the kitchen. While Tara had been trying her best to be nicer since returning she had noticed quite obviously that Raven had been also attempting to be nicer to her as well. Unlike the early days where she’d insult Raven and Raven would say her emotions felt like the damned returned from hell to walk among the living. Or something to that effect with less of the gravitas. But potentially staying up all night waiting for her would be too much wouldn’t it? I mean she had to have given up at some point and left the tray instead. A creeping sense of worry began to gnaw at her. She decided to check it out just in case.

Entering the kitchenette she turned the lights on and then slow raised the dimmer so the room was lit but a low mild orange. Looking around she found the kitchen to be completely empty and sighed a breathe of relief. She would have hated it if Raven had wasted her whole day waiting for her. That kind of self sacrificing attitude was infuriating about her, but also sometime Tara found herself being charmed by it. She’d come to admit recently. It was nice knowing Raven cared about her and it made her want to reciprocate the gesture, even if the best she could do was just not making Raven feel the need to waste time on her or stopping her when she tried.

Tara was halfway back to her room, cutting through the living room as a short cut from the kitchen when she spied the small black and purple mass bundled up on the couch. It was clearly even from a distance and in the dark the sleeping form of Raven. Tara could feel herself clench up, balling her hands into fists and biting her lower lip as tears began to form at the corners of her eyes unbidden. She wasn’t really sure why, she wasn’t sad. Not in that kind of way at least. She just felt tired and exhausted all of a sudden. Yet somehow she was also happy, euphoric almost. Her emotions fighting together and falling into each other in an almost manic game of king of the hill.

“You fucking idiot. Why can’t you just look after yourself for once.” she muttered under her breathe while stalking past towards her room.

Grabbing one of her two pillows and a spare blanket she tried to reign herself in to avoid stomping all the way back to Raven’s sleeping form. It was strange to see her like this, so vulnerable and open. Before Raven had always kept her guard up when Tara was around so when Tara marched up to wake her up and tell her to sleep properly like the hypocrite that she knew herself to be she stopped short upon seeing the other girl. She looked so small bundled up in her cloak the way she was, the pallid skin of her face peeking out from the hood looked peaceful and beautiful, in an oddly otherworldly ethereal sort of way that sucked her in. Like some kind of beautiful corpse laying there moments before decomposition kicks in. The way she seemed to almost blend into the shards of moonlight that broke in through the windows transfixed her and caused her heart to race dramatically. She wanted to reach out and brush her hand across her soft looking cheeks and to cup her face and bring her in for a kiss. She figured this must be why people were so obsessed with vampire romance fiction. Her mind skipped a beat moments after her heart as she realized what she’d just thought. Blushing a violent red as the thought of her kissing Raven flooded back to her again unbidden.

Awkwardly Tara reached out to wake Raven, stopping short before starting and stopping again four or five times. She then tried to see if there was a way to lift her head to place the pillow under before giving up on that. Finally she tried to spread out the blanket over her just to abort in panic as Raven rolled in her sleep. Feeling strangely confused about how to proceed and gave up, folding the blanket back up albeit rather poorly and placed them in a pile beside the couch before practically sprinting back to her room. Her mind racing with the thought. _What the fuck was that?_

Back inside her room she collapsed in the beaten up folding chair she kept by her desk and sunk her head into her hands. Disbelief flooded her already confused emotions. Did she like Raven? I mean, it was pretty clear from this that aesthetically there was definitely something there but her stomach twisted unsure if there was anything else there. She sat there running the possibilities through her head on loop when she noticed the tray of food once more. Without thinking she slowly reached out for the fork and speared some of the spätzle, cheese and onion mixture. It wasn’t particularly good, but it wasn’t bad either really. The fact that Raven had went out of her way to learn how to and try to make a dish from her homeland for her to make her feel better was so disgustingly sweet that it overpowered any fault in the dish and seasoned it perfectly with the gratitude she felt. Tears began to fall from her face again at the realization that hit her. It was scary, the thought of having romantic feelings again after so long. She didn't think she was ready. She was terrified in fact that she would immediately fuck everything up. Romance had never been good for her.

Trying to eat another bite or two Tara found she still couldn’t bring up an appetite. Frustrated as it made her she left the dish barely touched and climbed herself back into bed like she’d originally planned. Laying under the covers she couldn’t stop her mind from drifting back to the girl passed out on the couch and her heart seemed to lose control again. Sleep came fast with dreams of Raven that upon awaking Tara would be unable to remember fully, wondering if the previous night and her feelings where just another dream as well. The bowl sat on her desk still unfinished as a gentle reminder.

**Author's Note:**

> What the heckie am I actually doing dude lmaaaaao


End file.
